Since feeling like I have recovered from colitis, I have to admit that I have been searching for my dietary boundaries. As much as I talk about fasting and restricting my diet, the question of “how far can I widen my diet without causing a reoccurrence of symptoms or a flare-up” has always circulated in my head. With this in mind, coupled with the idea that my health is much more associated with the state of my mind rather than the food I eat, I have unconsciously and consciously set about seeking the answer to this question. In the last few weeks, I think I’ve hit on the answer and it has hit me fairly hard!
I have now flared. Meaning that I have started some bleeding again, there is some mucus production and I have had some short bouts of diarrhoea. Urgency for the loo has also increased and my ability to ‘hold it in’ is not strong. These are all familiar feelings and ones which I do not welcome! As ever, I believe it is not one thing that was the problem or trigger but an accumulation of factors that add together to create the flare.
I am a snacker. It is an inherent in my genes. I come from a family of nushers, food-pickers and midnight-snackers. Snacks used to consist of crisps, milk chocolates, sweets and roasted nuts now they are rice cakes, dark chocolate, popcorn and raw nuts. In moderation or as a one-off I can tolerate them. The problem arises when I go into snack mode and believe I am able to eat as much of these as I want. I can even have a major snack session on one day and not feel any ill effects. This just leads me into thinking I can do this all the time. It inevitable builds up. To most people, overeating on rice cakes and raw almonds sounds like making healthy choices. But my recent experience has taught me that diet choices can not be placed in convenient categories that work for everyone. Diet choices have to personal and individual – for me, even overeating on generally considered ‘healthy’ snacks is unhealthful. This is the case for all the allowable ‘one-off foods’. Grains such as rice and pulses such as chick peas and beans are foods I love and foods which work for me if I eat them in moderation. Once a week perhaps. However, recently it has become a daily occurrence. I spent a week in Israel and probably consumed half a bathtub of humous. I shouldn’t be too surprised at the results. There have also been some mental stresses in my life that have materialised in recent weeks too and these, no doubt, have added fuel to the burgeoning fire.
Yet even before Israel, I could feel that things were changing. I had an accident on the way to the airport – my first for nearly a year now. It made me think about how difficult it might still be to go back to work. I have 3 weeks work booked in for late july/august and I will be out-and-about a lot during this time as my work is taking autistic children on day trips. Not having fast access to a toilet has now become worrying and I will have to see how I progress. Even though I have felt a lot better in recent months, I have been at home a lot. This means that I can go to the loo whenever I feel like it and not notice if I am urgent or not. Even if I hold much better than I did 9 months ago, I know I can’t just hold it in for any length of time. 1 or 2 minutes is better than the 20 seconds I used to have but still isn’t great, if I am on the tube!
In some way I am satisfied with what has occurred. It has shown me what my limits are and just like a child in primary school, it is good to know where my boundaries lie. I now have some clearer guidelines to work within. I also feel in control. I am in control of when I am healthy and I am in control of when I am not. This means I have the power to determine my own health and am not at the mercy of the condition, of medication or doctors.
Having healed once before, I know what I need to do. I have reread key sections of Klein’s book and it is amazing how much of it rings true. He writes about the reoccurrence of symptoms soon after healing and why this might occur. Almost all of the factors described were part of my recent routine and as much as I (and others) want to deny Klein as over restrictive and quackish – in my experience, his words are grounded in a lot of truth.
I know I can do it. I healed in the winter, it was long, tough, cold and I was fumbling in the dark for answers. Today, I know it works and the climate is that little bit more amenable. Eating a simple diet of sweet fruits and steamed veggies is a nice way to stay light and I look forward to being well again very soon.
Self Healing from Ulcerative Colitis 